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why does my child constantly misbehave in school

Help Me! My 11-Year-Old Continually Has Behavior Problems at School

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This parent’s cry for help is often what brings families to us for school neuropsychological testing.  It’s very uncommon for an 11-year-old to continually have behavior problems at school.

The parents told me, “My 11-year-old son is impulsive, disruptive, and frequently off task at school. He struggles to make friends and does not seem to read the room. He sometimes denies things that happened and repeatedly engages in the same behaviors, even after consequences. What could be wrong with him?”

When a child repeatedly experiences behavioral and social problems, you naturally want an explanation. You may wonder whether your child is being defiant, dishonest, immature, or simply making poor choices. However, behavior is often a form of communication. Instead of asking only, “How do we stop this behavior?” it can be more helpful to ask, “What skill is he missing, and what is making this situation difficult for him?”

These parents had already been to see their pediatrician who told them this was complicated and recommended us for a school neuropsychological evaluation.  When the parent came to us, we discussed that several possibilities need to be explored.

ADHD and Executive Functioning Weaknesses

Impulsivity, difficulty staying on task, excessive talking, interrupting, and repeating behaviors despite consequences can be associated with ADHD.  Children with ADHD may understand a rule when it is explained but have difficulty applying it in the moment. Weaknesses in executive functioning can affect your child’s ability to pause, consider the consequences, regulate emotions, remember expectations, and change course after receiving feedback.

This can be confusing because your child may seem capable of better behavior at certain times. However, ADHD is often characterized by inconsistent performance. Your child may know what to do but struggle to do it consistently, especially in distracting, unstructured, frustrating, or socially demanding situations.

Social-Communication Differences

Difficulty making friends or “reading the room” may indicate weaknesses in social communication. A child might misinterpret facial expressions, fail to recognize that others are becoming annoyed, talk excessively about preferred subjects, invade personal space, or use humor at inappropriate times.

These difficulties can occur in children with ADHD, autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety, language weaknesses, or other developmental differences. Autism is only one possibility, and a child should not be diagnosed based on a few behaviors. Some children desperately want friends but lack the skills needed to enter a conversation, handle disagreement, recognize another person’s perspective, or repair a social mistake. Continued rejection can then lead to frustration, attention-seeking, or disruptive behavior.

Not Telling the Truth

When children deny their actions or give an inaccurate account of an event, adults may assume they are deliberately lying. Sometimes that is the case, but there may be other explanations.

An impulsive child may respond before thinking. A child who expects punishment may immediately deny responsibility to protect himself. He might also remember an emotionally charged event differently, misunderstand another person’s intentions, or describe what he wished had happened rather than what occurred.

Some children feel so ashamed about making another mistake that admitting it seems overwhelming. This does not mean dishonesty should be ignored. It means adults should respond with curiosity, teach accountability, and avoid defining the child as a “liar.”

A helpful response might be: “I want to understand what happened. You are not in trouble for telling me the truth. Let’s slow down and walk through it from the beginning.” 

Other Factors to Consider

Behavioral changes can also be influenced by anxiety, depression, learning disabilities, bullying, sleep problems, language-processing difficulties, trauma, sensory overload, or academic work that feels too difficult. An 11-year-old who cannot keep up with reading, writing, or classroom demands may use avoidance, humor, arguing, or disruption to escape embarrassment.

It is also important to consider when and where the behavior occurs. Does it happen across settings or primarily in one classroom? Is it worse during independent work, transitions, lunch, or less-structured activities? Does s/he behave differently with particular teachers or peers? Patterns often provide important clues. 

What Can You Do?

if your child continually has behavior problems, begin by requesting a meeting with the teacher, school counselor, or other relevant school personnel. Ask for specific examples rather than general descriptions such as “He is disruptive.” What happens immediately before the behavior? What exactly does he do? How do adults and peers respond? What helps him recover?

You can also request that the school collect behavioral data with the purpose to understand what the behavior accomplishes for your child. Are they gaining attention, escaping difficult work, seeking stimulation, or avoiding an uncomfortable social situation?

Our comprehensive school neuropsychological evaluation may also be beneficial. Our evaluation will examine attention, executive functioning, learning, language, emotional functioning, academics, and social understanding. We will obtain information from you, teachers, direct observation, testing, and the child him or herself.

The goal is not simply to find a label. It is to identify the reasons behind the behavior and develop supports that match your child’s needs. These might include explicit social coaching, classroom accommodations, executive-functioning instruction, counseling, academic intervention, or medical consultation.

Most importantly, we want to separate your child from his behavior. He is not a “bad kid.” He may be a child whose current skills are not yet strong enough to meet the demands placed upon him. With a thoughtful evaluation, consistent support, and adults who remain curious rather than judgmental, he can learn healthier ways to manage himself, connect with others, and experience success.

Strategies You Can Use at Home

While an evaluation may help identify the reasons behind why your child continually has behavior problems, you can begin building needed skills at home. The goal is not to punish every mistake. It is to provide clear expectations, consistent accountability, and repeated opportunities to practice better responses.

  1. Focus on One or Two Behaviors at a Time

You’ve heard the answer to, “How do you eat an elephant? One small bite at a time.” Thus, avoid trying to correct impulsivity, dishonesty, organization, friendships, and disrespect all at once. Choose one specific behaviors, such as:

  • Starting homework within five minutes of being asked
  • Responding without arguing
  • Keeping hands and hurtful comments to himself
  • Telling the truth when discussing a problem

Define the expected behavior clearly so your child knows what success looks like.

  1. Use Brief, One-Step Specific Directions

Children with attention and executive-functioning weaknesses may lose track of lengthy explanations. Gain your child’s attention, give one direction, and ask him to repeat it back.

Instead of saying, “You never listen. Go upstairs, clean everything, get ready for tomorrow, and stop wasting time,” try: “Please put your school materials in your backpack. Tell me when that is finished.”

  1. Create and Use Predictable Routines

Establish consistent routines for mornings, homework, chores, screen time, and bedtime. Use a short written checklist rather than repeatedly reminding or lecturing him. Predictability reduces conflict and helps externalize the organization skills he may not yet manage independently.

  1. Reinforce the Behavior You Want to See

Children who struggle behaviorally often receive attention mainly when something goes wrong. It can be challenging but try to notice and describe small examples of success:

“You stopped and thought before answering.”

“You were frustrated, but you kept your voice calm.”

“You told me what really happened even though it was difficult.”

Specific praise helps your child recognize which behaviors they should repeat.

  1. Use Immediate, Reasonable Consequences

Consequences work best when they are calm, predictable, and connected to the behavior. If your child misuses a privilege, temporarily limit that privilege. If he makes a mess or damages something, have him help repair it. If he hurts someone, require an appropriate act of repair after he has calmed down.

Avoid very large or delayed punishments. Losing electronics for a month is unlikely to teach the skill he needed in the original situation. Make the consequence hours or days.  Allow for the opportunity for your child to make-up and earn the privilege back sooner.

  1. Teach and Practice the “Pause Plan”

Adults and children benefit from the pause plan.  Teach a brief routine your child can use before acting:

  1. Stop.
  2. Take one slow breath.
  3. Ask, “What could happen next?”
  4. Choose the safest or most respectful response.

Practice this routine during calm moments using situations s/he commonly encounters. Skills rehearsed in advance are more likely to be available when emotions are high.

  1. Respond to Dishonesty Without Labeling

Avoid calling your child a “liar.” Instead, address the specific statement and give him an opportunity to correct it: “That explanation does not match the information I have. Take a minute to think, and then tell me what happened from the beginning.”

Praise honesty while still addressing the original behavior: “I appreciate that you told me the truth. We still need to repair what happened, but honesty helps us solve the problem.”

  1. Teach Social Skills Directly

Do not assume your child automatically understands facial expressions, conversational timing, personal space, or how his behavior affects others. When watching TV, pause the screen or when at the mall, sit and people watch. Use these opportunities to review social situations together and ask:

  • What did you notice about the other person?
  • How do you think that person felt?
  • What clue might you have missed?
  • What could you try differently next time?

Role-play how to join a conversation, accept “no,” handle teasing, apologize sincerely, and notice when someone wants to stop. This sounds easy but takes a lot of practice for your child to internalize but don’t give up. You are teaching valuable social skills.

  1. Schedule Positive Time Together

You deeply love your child so make sure your relationship is not centered entirely on correction. Set aside regular time for an activity your child enjoys without lecturing or discussing school problems. A strong parent-child connection makes children more receptive to guidance and provides emotional protection when they are struggling socially. Hire the tutor, coach, or counselor to help teach your child so you can maintain the positiveness needed so you are not constantly butting-heads.

  1. Coordinate With the School

Most private and public schools make accommodations to support children with disabilities. Our paperwork gives you the documentation needed to help the school create a 504 accommodation plan or an Individual Education Program (IEP). This support gives educators understanding of your child’s struggles from a qualified professional and not simply from a concerned parent. Furthermore, we can Zoom or Teams into the school-based accommodation meeting to support you (extra fee required for this service). We can also guide you to educational advocates or attorneys as needed.

Reach out today so we can create a team to help determine why your child continually has behavior problems and help support you, and your child. We look forward to speaking with you. (561) 625 4125

Did I Cause My Child’s Dyslexia?

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“Did I cause my child’s dyslexia?” After evaluating and diagnosing a young boy with dyslexia, his mother asked me this question. She was worried that something she had done or failed to do, as a parent had contributed to her son’s reading difficulties. Had she not read to him enough? Should she have practiced letters and sounds more? Had she missed the signs of dyslexia? She felt guilty.

My answer was simple: “No. You did not cause your child’s dyslexia.”

What Causes Dyslexia? Understanding the Genetic and Brain-Based Factors

Research tells us that dyslexia is a neurodevelopmental learning difference with substantial genetic and neurobiological influences. In other words, children with dyslexia are not simply choosing not to read, failing to try hard enough, or struggling because their parents did not provide enough reading practice.

Dyslexia Can Run in Families

One of the strongest pieces of evidence for a genetic contribution to dyslexia is that it often runs in families. Children who have a parent or sibling with dyslexia are at greater risk of experiencing reading difficulties themselves. This does not mean that a parent “passes down” dyslexia in a simple, predictable way. Rather, dyslexia appears to involve the combined influence of many genes, each contributing a small amount to a person’s overall likelihood of experiencing reading difficulties.

Importantly, a child can have dyslexia even when no one in the family has been formally diagnosed. Sometimes a parent or relative may have experienced reading or spelling difficulties without ever receiving an explanation for them. Other times, the child’s particular combination of genetic influences may be different from those of other family members.

Dyslexia Is Also Associated With Differences in Brain Development

Brain-imaging research has provided additional evidence that dyslexia is associated with differences in how certain brain networks involved in reading and language develop and function. Research has identified differences involving areas of the left hemisphere, including networks involved in processing speech sounds, connecting sounds with letters, recognizing written words, and developing fluent reading skills.

These findings are important because they help explain why a child with dyslexia may work extremely hard at reading yet continue to find certain reading tasks unusually difficult.

However, it is important not to oversimplify the neuroscience. There is no single “dyslexic brain” and there is currently no brain scan that can diagnose dyslexia. Brain differences identified in research occur across groups of individuals and reflect complex patterns of development rather than a single abnormality.

Genetics Do Not Mean Destiny

Having a genetic risk for dyslexia does not guarantee that your child will develop significant reading difficulties. Development is influenced by many factors, including language development, educational experiences, and the quality and effectiveness of reading instruction.

This is why the most accurate way to think about dyslexia is not “nature versus nurture,” but nature and nurture interacting over time. Genetic and neurobiological factors can increase a child’s vulnerability to reading difficulties, while effective instruction and supportive environments can help children develop stronger reading skills and reduce the impact of those difficulties.

So when a parent asks, “Did I cause my child’s dyslexia?”, the answer remains no.  You did not create the genetic or neurodevelopmental factors that contribute to dyslexia. Thus, you should not blame yourself for something that is far more complex than parenting choices.

Instead, the more helpful question is: “Now that we understand how my child learns, what can we do to help?” That is where you can make a tremendous difference.

What Can You Do If Your Child Has Dyslexia?

Although parents do not cause dyslexia, you play a most important role in helping your child succeed. The first step is recognizing when your child may need additional support. Persistent difficulty learning letter sounds, decoding unfamiliar words, spelling, reading fluently, or remembering previously learned words can be signs that a child may benefit from a dyslexia evaluation.

Early identification can help families understand why your child is struggling and determine what types of instruction and accommodations may be appropriate.  Children with dyslexia often benefit from explicit, systematic reading instruction that targets skills such as phonological awareness, decoding, spelling, and word recognition. Academic intervention is only part of the picture. Children also need adults who understand that having dyslexia does not mean they are less intelligent or less capable.

When Should My Child Be Evaluated for Dyslexia?

One of the most common questions parents ask is, “When should I have my child evaluated for dyslexia?” The short answer is: If your child is consistently struggling to learn to read, it is reasonable to seek an evaluation rather than simply waiting for them to catch up.

Dyslexia can be identified at different ages, and you do not necessarily have to wait until your child has experienced years of reading failure before seeking help. In fact, early identification and intervention can help prevent academic difficulties from becoming more significant over time. Screening for reading difficulties can begin as early as kindergarten, with attention to skills such as phonological awareness, letter-sound knowledge, language development, and rapid naming.

Signs That May Suggest a Dyslexia Evaluation

Parents and teachers may want to consider an evaluation when a child demonstrates persistent difficulty with:

  • Learning and remembering letter names and sounds
  • Connecting letters with their corresponding sounds
  • Recognizing familiar words automatically
  • Sounding out unfamiliar words
  • Reading accurately or fluently
  • Spelling words correctly in everyday writing
  • Identifying or manipulating sounds within words
  • Reading at a significantly slower rate than expected for their age or grade
  • Avoiding reading or becoming frustrated when asked to read
  • Making much slower progress in reading than expected despite appropriate instruction
  • Making self-degrading statements such as, “I’m not smart.” “Everyone else reads better than me.”

A family history of dyslexia is another important consideration: even undiagnosed dyslexia. Because dyslexia has a substantial genetic component, children with a parent or close family member who has dyslexia or a history of significant reading difficulties are at increased risk.

Don’t Wait for Your Child to “Catch Up”

Sometimes parents are told, “He/she’s just a little behind. Give him/her another year.” While some children do catch up with additional instruction, persistent reading difficulties should not simply be ignored. Your child can receive effective reading intervention while also being evaluated for dyslexia. Intervention and evaluation do not have to be mutually exclusive.

My evaluation can help answer an important question: Why is this child struggling to learn to read?

Our comprehensive dyslexia evaluation looks beyond reading scores alone. Don’t work with a provider who only uses one test for dyslexia because that is too narrow. A comprehensive evaluation considers your child’s developmental and educational history and examines areas such as phonological processing, decoding, word recognition, reading fluency, spelling, language skills, and other factors that may contribute to reading difficulties. We also test self-esteem, memory, attention, and other critical areas that provide us with a pattern of strengths and weaknesses that fit the dyslexia profile and criteria. I’m a parent of a child with dyslexia so I know exactly what you are going through and, most importantly, how to identify dyslexia early.

What About Kindergarten?

Parents sometimes assume that your child is too young to be evaluated for dyslexia if they are reading independently. That is not necessarily the case. We start testing students at age 5.5 and half way through kindergarten. For younger children, an evaluation may focus more heavily on early literacy skills and risk factors rather than simply measuring reading achievement. Difficulties with phonological awareness, learning letter-sound relationships, remembering verbal information, and rapidly naming familiar letters or objects can provide important information about a child’s risk for later reading difficulties. The goal is not to place a label on a young child. The goal is to identify areas of vulnerability early and provide appropriate support before frustration and academic gaps grow.

Trust Your Concerns as a Parent

You know your child better than anyone. If your child is working hard but continues to struggle with reading, spelling, or learning letter-sound relationships, your concerns are worth investigating. A dyslexia evaluation is not about finding something “wrong” with your child. It is about understanding how your child learns best, identifying areas of strength and weakness, and determining what support will help them become a more confident and successful reader.

If you are wondering whether your child’s reading difficulties may be related to dyslexia, you don’t have to wait until the problem becomes overwhelming. Early understanding can lead to earlier support and earlier support can make a meaningful difference.

Replace Guilt With Understanding

If your child has recently been diagnosed with dyslexia, it is natural to wonder what you could have done differently. Instead of asking, “What did I do wrong?”, try asking: “What does my child need now?” That shift can make all the difference.

You didn’t cause your child’s dyslexia. You can, however, be one of the most important people helping your child understand their strengths, access effective instruction, develop confidence, and learn how to thrive. Dyslexia is not a reflection of your parenting, and it is not a limitation on your child’s potential.

We are parents too and are ready to help you.  Call (561) 625-4125 to discuss your child.

3 Easy Ways to Start the School Year On the Right Foot

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School is starting and you want to help your child start the school year on the right foot.

A Written Plan

As you prep your child for this new school year, I recommend developing a written game plan.  Hold a sit down meeting and discuss the positive aspects of the last school year as well as the top challenges. Discuss and write out a short plan of steps or strategies for how your child can avoid repeating those challenges this year. If your child is going to earn a reward for his or her performance, set a short-term month reward and a longer term end of grading period reward. You want your child to experience success in earning the first reward to maintain motivation for persisting towards the longer term reward. If the first reward is missed, revised the game plan and a new short term reward.

They Have What it Takes

Second, your child needs to hear from you that you believe they have what it takes for this to be a great school year. Emphasize that you don’t expect perfection, but you do expect effort.  Validate that it is not always going to be easy but that’s ok because working hard is something you and your family are accustomed to doing. Let your child know you will support with not only encouragement but will help find tutors and other professionals as needed.

You Keep Learning

Last, continue to develop your parenting skills as parenting is a journey through many seasons.  As one option, I’ll be hosting a fall parent expo. There are state and national conferences for most disabilities where you can attend virtually to learn.  A few are below. I also included a link to a partial list of counselors in case you, or your child, need that support.

Counselors: http://www.Jimforgan.com/counseling
ADHD: https://www.additudemag.com
ADHD: https://www.theadhdconference.org/adhd2026/home
Dyslexia: https://www.dyslexiacon.org
Dyslexia: https://www.ortonacademy.org/for-parents/

Frame the school year so your child has hope and knowledge that when tough times come, you will work through it together. Parent, you’ve got this!

“I’ll Do It Later…” Helping Your Teen Overcome Chore Procrastination

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Getting my teen to complete home chores is a problem and the procrastination is real. “I’ve asked three times, and it still isn’t done.” If getting your teenager to complete chores feels like a daily struggle, you’re not alone. And if your child has ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or another learning difference, the challenge may have less to do with motivation and more to do with executive functioning.

As a school neuropsychologist, I often remind parents that executive functioning is not about intelligence or willingness. It is the brain’s management system which are the skills that allow us to plan, organize, remember, initiate tasks, manage time, shift between activities, regulate emotions, and follow through until something is complete. For many neurodivergent teens, these skills develop differently and often require more intentional support.

Executive Functioning

Research has consistently shown that individuals with ADHD experience significant differences in executive functioning, particularly with task initiation, working memory, inhibition, and sustained attention. Many autistic adolescents also experience executive functioning differences, especially with cognitive flexibility, planning, and adapting to unexpected changes. Students with learning disabilities may expend so much mental energy meeting academic demands that fewer cognitive resources remain for everyday responsibilities at home.

What may look like procrastination is often something much more complex. Your teenager knows exactly what needs to be done but struggle to get started. They may become overwhelmed by a chore that seems simple to others because they cannot determine the first step. They may become distracted halfway through, lose track of materials, or forget multiple-step directions. These are executive functioning challenges and not character flaws.

Provide Support

That doesn’t mean we lower expectations. Instead, we change the support. Think of chores as opportunities to build independence while providing the scaffolding your teenager’s brain needs today. Research on executive functioning and skill acquisition suggests several strategies can make a meaningful difference:

  • Break chores into small, clearly defined steps rather than giving broad directions like “clean your room.”
  • Use visual checklists so your teen doesn’t have to rely solely on working memory.
  • Pair chores with consistent routines to reduce the need for constant decision-making.
  • Use timers or the “first…then…” approach to help with task initiation.
  • Offer choices when possible, as autonomy increases motivation.
  • Provide immediate, specific praise that recognizes effort, strategy, and persistence rather than perfection.
  • Gradually fade supports as your teen demonstrates increasing independence.

Perhaps the most important shift is changing the question from “Why won’t they do it?” to “What’s getting in the way?” That simple change moves us from blame to problem-solving.

Our goal isn’t to raise a teenager who never procrastinates. Our goal is to help them understand how their brain works, discover strategies that fit their unique strengths, and develop the confidence to manage life’s responsibilities.

Someday they’ll live on their own. The greatest gift we can give them isn’t a perfectly cleaned bedroom today but it’s the executive functioning tools they’ll use for a lifetime. I teach an in person executive functioning course for teens that can help your child learn these important skills. Learn more here.

Call (561) 625 4125 to discuss helping your teen. We test for ADHD, dyslexia, autism, learning disabilities, anxiety, processing problems, and more.

Four Benefits of Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child

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Have you considered homeschooling your neurodivergent child? For many families, homeschooling provides an opportunity to create a learning environment where a neurodivergent child can truly thrive. Children with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dysgraphia, anxiety, sensory processing differences, and other learning differences often have unique strengths that may not always be recognized in a traditional classroom. Homeschooling allows you to build an educational experience around those strengths rather than around standardized expectations.

Benefit One of Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child

One of the greatest benefits is individualized instruction. Lessons can be paced according to your child’s learning style, allowing extra time when concepts are challenging and moving quickly through material they already understand. This flexibility often reduces frustration and increases confidence.  You select a curriculum that matches your values and your child’s needs rather than having your child fit into a globalist set of academic standards.

Benefit Two of Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child

Second, homeschooling also offers opportunities to minimize distractions and sensory overload. A quieter environment, flexible seating, movement breaks, and personalized schedules can help your child maintain attention, regulate emotions, and engage more effectively in learning. Neurodiverse children benefit from hands-on kinesthetic learning.

Benefit Three of Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child

Third, is the ability to incorporate your child’s interests into instruction. Whether your child loves animals, engineering, art, or technology, these passions can become powerful teaching tools that increase motivation and deepen understanding across multiple subjects.

Benefit Four of Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child

A fourth benefit is homeschooling can strengthen your child’s self-esteem. Daily routines can be adjusted to accommodate your child’s periods of peak focus and energy rather than forcing learning into a rigid timetable. Instead of constantly comparing themselves to classmates, neurodivergent learners experience success at their own pace.

Is Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child Right For You?

Homeschooling is not the right choice for every family, and it requires commitment, planning, and access to curriculum resources. However, for many neurodivergent children, it provides an environment where curiosity, creativity, and confidence can flourish. We work with homeschool families and provide school neuropsychological evaluations to help guide you to specialized curriculum, therapies, local co-ops, and more.

What are the Drawbacks of Homeschooling Your Neurodivergent Child?

One of the main drawbacks is the financial sacrifice parents make to live off a one income household salary (assuming you are a married couple).  Second, self-doubt is a barrier for many since you might think, “I”m not qualified to be a teacher.” Third, a neurodivergent learner might need outside professional therapies that are costly when not provided by the public school education.

To learn more about homeschooling consider joining the Florida Parent Educators Association and check out their resource full website at www.fpea.com.

Call (561) 625 4125 to discuss your child. We test for ADHD, dyslexia, autism and more. www.JimForgan.com.