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25 Ways to Help Your Teen with ADHD

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Some teens struggle socially and teens with ADHD must have good people skills in order to live life to the fullest.  After all, building relationships is one of our primary functions as a human being.  In order to help your teen I recommend using the book 25 Ways to Win With People, by Drs. John C. Maxwell and Les Parrott.  It’s packed with practical ways to build relationships.  The writing is readable and not at dense or technical. It includes many stories to illustrate the 25 key points.  And the book is small.  It won’t overwhelm teens that are immediately turned off by thick, textbook-style volumes.  I encourage parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and important adult friends to read the book ahead of time, or together with the teen. This allows for important common grounding. In other words, everyone has the same information. That opens the way for discussion and shared experiences or ideas. How might your family work this valuable book into your routine? There are two ways you might do so:

Save this book for summer reading, when the academic demands of school lessen.  Read the book in advance, and let your son know that over the summer he’ll be reading an excellent and potentially life-changing book called 25 Ways to Win With People. For the first 25 weekdays of summer, he’ll read a chapter a day. Reassure him/her – the chapters average less than seven pages. It will take five weeks to complete the book. Each day, you’ll ask him/her to write a short summary of the key point and discuss it with you.  Role-playing is another effective practice tool. You can practice these new skills within the supportive context of your home, where he/she shouldn’t be as self- conscious as he/she might in public. 

 Make learning and applying the 25 points a family project. Together, the family agrees to read one chapter per week. Some parents set aside part of the day on Saturday or Sunday to have a short talk about the key point. For the entire week each family member works on applying the step. Family members practice with each other as well as out in their school, work, or daily activities. If the family has dinner together, they should talk about their experiences.  

Even though a new point is introduced each week, it’s important to keep in mind that earlier points don’t get discarded. Apply them as much as possible, especially if there are one or two you have found highly useful. This is what I call the “rent to own” philosophy.  We are teaching our teenagers to try the point out (or rent it) for a week.  If he/she finds it useful, he continues to rent it and use it. At some point your teen may decide that this point is so helpful that they’ll decide to own it and apply it on their own, because he/she has recognized its value in his/her life. 

 Think about your family and decide which way would work best for you.  Your teen will soon have 25 ways to become more successful with people.

Teaching Problem Solving Using Books

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I love learning and believe we can learn a lot by reading and educating ourselves.  Sure, degrees are nice but real learning often takes place outside the classroom.  Think about a time you had a problem.  How did you solve it?  Perhaps you turned to a book or internet site. 

My brother in law  used a book to help him learn how to change his leaky sink faucet.  I used a book to help me learn how to become a better parent.  Some of my favorite self-help books are written by Dr. John C. Maxwell www.johnmaxwell.com.  He  great books such as Developing a Winning Attitude, Talent is Never Enough, and Failing Forward. 

Books can help kids too.  There are many books that teach problem solving skills.  I enjoy many of Bill Cosby’s books about Little Bill.  When my son was 4 and 5 we read most of them.  My favorite one was The Meanest Thing to Say because it taught a problem solving strategy called “So.”  He learned to use it if other kids said mean things to him. 

I attached an article that I wrote and that was published in a popular teacher journal.  Parents can find it useful too and it lists many kids books to read with your child.  Help your child identify with the book’s character and then learn the problem solving strategy.  It works!

Can Books Help Children?

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The motto of my practice is “Helping Parents Help Children.”  One way I believe parents can help their children is to increase our own knowledge about how kids think, feel, and act.  I want to share two books that my wife and I have found helpful in raising our son and daughter.  I think they can help you too.  One book is for fathers and the other is for moms.  Both are easily available online or in most bookstores because books help children.

One of my favorite books for dads is called “The Difference A Father Makes” by Ed McGlasson.  Ed is a former NFL star and played football for the Raiders.  His small book is a quick, but meaningful, read that helps fathers understand the importance of their power in preparing our children for life.  He shares personal examples of how he influenced his sons and daughters to become leaders in life.  This includes an awesome chapter called Rites of Passage that has information to give fathers the power to change his relationship with his son or daughter forever.

The book I recommend for moms is called “That’s My Son: How Moms Can Influence Boys to Become Men of Character” by Rick Johnson.  My wife found this book helpful because she grew up with two sisters and no brothers.  She did not have family experiences as a child learning what makes boys tick.  By reading Rick’s book she found a new understanding about our son.  The book is appropriate for single moms as well as married moms.  There are some interesting secrets in this book that Rick tells about the inner workings of boys.  He gives moms straightforward honest advice to help moms discuss communication, respect, and learning self discipline.

I believe books can be valuable tools in helping parents build stronger relationships with their children and these two books are a great starting point.  If your child struggles in school, dislikes school, is easily frustrated with homework, or has other school issues, consider getting him or her evaluated.  My evaluation process can help reveal the true issue so that you can begin the appropriate intervention instead of trying a hit and miss approach.  It’s an investment that can get your child on the right track.

Dr. Forgan is a Diplomate of the American Board of School Neuropsychology and certified dyslexia testing specialist who can evaluate your child for ADD/ADHD, giftedness, dyslexia, and other associated disorders.  Call 625-4125 to discuss your child.